Do you remember?

Artwork by Yao Yao Ma Van As
Do you remember when we first fell in love? 
I do. 
I didn’t want to want you. 
I tried so hard to resist it. 
I put up a good fight, too...
That didn't last long.

You were handsome. 
Oh God, were you handsome.  
But also so inconvenient.
I had other plans, 
other dreams. 

About to graduate, 
working all the time.
I was just so busy 
and I didn’t know.
I didn’t know 
where you would fit into it all.
I didn’t even know 
where life was taking me next. 

That’s the thing about love, 
it doesn’t ask for permission.
Crave it 
and it eludes you. 
Want nothing to do with it, 
it shows up on your doorstep unannounced.  
Sometimes literally. 

I ignored your texts 
your phone calls 
but you were so persistent. 

You were staying at your grandma’s
You drove your motorcycle 2 hours
just to find my car on campus.
All so that you could leave me a love letter. 

You must have circled that place 
so many times to find my car. 
How did you even manage? 
You were trying so hard 
it was refreshing for a change. 
Having someone try for me.

I admired that about you. 
I still do. 
You are one stubborn guy. 
You don’t mess around. 
You know what you want and you go after it. 
You get it or you go down swinging. 

I never had to guess with you. 
I never doubted myself with you. 
You always made me feel like I was enough.
I never had to be something else for you.
I could just be me.
And you wanted me for exactly who I was
in that moment.
Not just for who I could become. 
It was nice. 
Really nice. 

I don’t get the whole unrequited love thing. 
People romanticize that crap way too much. 
Being wanted...
Now that’s romantic. 

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